turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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