hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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