Plan B is the new Plan A
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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