I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize