Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we made out on top of his cat.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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