My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
