saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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