Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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