My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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