Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
