I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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