end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just gargled with NyQuil
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
