Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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