Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
