I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Farmville is her only friend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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