I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
