I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
