I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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