**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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