You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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