I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
