Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
