Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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