we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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