My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
