garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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