So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
wow bdsm is so cute
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
