I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
