i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Princesses don't give blow jobs
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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