you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
