apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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