nutella sex= disaster
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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