that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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