But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
