I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
