My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
