Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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