I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
