I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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