he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
