I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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