Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize