I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
