He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
