can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
