it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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