After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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