even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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