I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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