is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
