just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
