i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
