i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
