so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize