My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparently you make a good broom.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
