i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize