Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think i have two assholes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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