another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
