whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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