I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
