did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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