I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize