On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Please don't give away my fajitas
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
