'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
