I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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