You made me cry and you don't even care
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
