And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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