no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
