he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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