Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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