I looked at my own cervix.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
