But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
