You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize