don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
