I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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