my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
