No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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