Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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