I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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