Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
