You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
