Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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