everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
