he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
