by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
