just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
