A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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