Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize