Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
