Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
