Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
