if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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