operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
