Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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