The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
