I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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